Interpersonal conflict is inherently complex, and when neurodiversity is a factor, conflicts can become even more nuanced. Neurodivergent individuals bring unique strengths to interactions but may experience and process conflict differently from their neurotypical counterparts, facing challenges rooted in cognitive, emotional, and sensory processing differences.

For mediators, understanding these variations in communication styles, sensory sensitivities, and emotional regulation is crucial for navigating conflicts with greater empathy and effectiveness. As a mediator recently diagnosed with ADHD and Dyspraxia, alongside my longstanding Irlen Syndrome, I’ve gained insight into these dynamics through personal experience. Reflecting on my journey, I recognise how sensory overload, task initiation difficulties, and emotional dysregulation have, at times, led to burnout, strained interactions, and missed deadlines, causing anger, frustration, and disappointment for those around me. This experience has deepened my empathy for others facing similar challenges and strongly informs my mediation approach. Recognising and respecting neurodivergent perspectives enables us to encourage more meaningful and transformative conflict resolution.

‍

Here are five key considerations for mediators to support neurodivergent individuals in conflict transformation and promote understanding and respect in every interaction.

1. Communication Styles Can Amplify or Mitigate Conflict

Conflict often intensifies when communication styles clash, and this is especially relevant when working with neurodivergent individuals who may communicate differently from their neurotypical counterparts. Neurodivergent people may prefer clear, direct, and low-context communication, where words mean exactly what they say without relying on implicit cues or “reading between the lines.” However, neurotypical individuals may use more hyperbole or context-dependent language, leading to misunderstandings and frustration on both sides. For instance, someone with ADHD might struggle to focus on long, detailed conversations, potentially missing key points or coming across as distracted. Those on the autism spectrum may rely on literal language, which could be misinterpreted as blunt or lacking in empathy by others.

Mediators should remain mindful of these differences and first adapt their own communication approach before, during, and after mediation. They can then facilitate effective communication in the room by encouraging all parties to clarify their intentions, build understanding, listen actively, and avoid making assumptions. By setting these standards, mediators help minimise misinterpretations and foster an atmosphere of mutual respect.

2. Cognitive Processing Differences Can Affect Conflict Perception

Neurodivergent individuals often bring distinctive cognitive processing styles that influence how they perceive and respond to conflict. For instance, individuals with autism may approach issues with a logical, detail-oriented perspective, focusing on facts and concrete evidence. In contrast, those with ADHD might respond more intensely in high-stress situations, especially when confronted with emotional conflict or complex information. Even listening behaviours can differ: fidgeting or stimming, common in neurodivergent individuals, is often misinterpreted by neurotypical parties as a lack of attention when in fact, these actions can aid focus and active listening in a neurodivergent context.

While everyone has a unique frame of reference, these processing differences introduce an added layer of complexity grounded in neurological function rather than solely lived experience. Recognising and addressing these distinctions is essential for effective conflict resolution, enabling all parties to be understood and engaged meaningfully in the process.

Mediators already play a crucial role in helping each party appreciate these perceptual differences, allowing them to view the conflict from multiple perspectives. However, unpacking these dynamics requires deeper curiosity, patience, and focus. This approach builds empathy and helps prevent unnecessary escalation driven by cognitive misunderstandings.

3. Sensory Sensitivities Can Escalate Tensions

Many neurodivergent individuals experience heightened sensory sensitivity, contributing to their stress container and exacerbating conflict, especially in high-stimulus environments. For example, people with ADHD or autism may feel overwhelmed by loud noises, bright lights, or crowded spaces. In conflict situations, these sensory sensitivities can heighten emotions and make it more challenging for neurodivergent individuals to focus on problem-solving.

Understanding and accommodating sensory needs can significantly enhance a mediator’s effectiveness in conflict resolution. The environment plays a crucial role; this may involve selecting quieter, more neutral settings with plenty of natural light for in-person mediation or offering virtual options, allowing neurodivergent parties to control their surroundings. By creating a sensory-friendly atmosphere, mediators help neurodivergent individuals engage more fully, reducing the added stress that sensory overload can introduce into a conflict situation.

4. Emotional Regulation Challenges Can Impact Conflict Responses

Neurodivergent individuals may face unique challenges with emotional regulation, which can influence how they respond to conflict. For example, individuals with ADHD may experience Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria—a heightened emotional reaction to perceived criticism or frustration that can lead to impulsive responses. Similarly, people on the autism spectrum may have emotional processing delays, requiring additional time to understand and articulate their feelings fully.

As mediators, we’re already accustomed to creating space for emotional processing in the room, but when working with neurodivergent individuals, this requires heightened awareness and sensitivity. Differences in emotional regulation can contribute to conflict escalation, as neurotypical parties may misinterpret neurodivergent responses as overly intense, dismissive, hostile, or disengaged. Mediators can address these dynamics by intentionally allowing extra time for responses, validating each person’s emotional experience, and guiding participants in recognising and articulating their feelings. By creating a supportive environment where neurodivergent individuals can process emotions at their own pace, mediators can help reduce miscommunication and cultivate an atmosphere of trust and understanding.

5. Internalised Conflicts Can Complicate External Disputes

Many neurodivergent individuals experience internal conflicts, such as struggles with self-esteem, anxiety, and imposter syndrome. These internalised issues, often from years of feeling misunderstood or judged, can spill over into interpersonal conflicts. For example, someone with ADHD might have a deep-seated fear of failure or a sense of inadequacy, making them more sensitive to criticism or negative feedback. These internal struggles can intensify reactions to external conflicts, causing neurodivergent individuals to respond defensively or withdraw.

Acknowledging internal and external conflicts is essential for mediators to understand the full picture of the dispute. Rather than viewing defensive behaviours as inherently combative, mediators can recognise them as potential indicators of deeper self-doubt or unresolved personal challenges. Encouraging neurodivergent participants to explore these internalised issues within the safe space of mediation can facilitate more productive, transformative conversations that address the surface conflict and its emotional roots.

Transformative Conflict Resolution through Neurodiversity Awareness

In conclusion, neurodiversity brings valuable depth and complexity to mediation, shaping how individuals perceive, process, and respond to conflict. Transformative conflict resolution relies on empathy, clear communication, and adaptability, enriched by understanding neurodivergent dynamics. As mediators, we have a unique opportunity to bridge divides by recognising how neurodiversity influences conflict. By appreciating different cognitive styles, accommodating sensory needs, supporting emotional regulation, and acknowledging internal challenges, we create a space where genuine understanding and conflict transformation are possible. This inclusive approach empowers all parties to engage fully, creating an environment where neurodivergent perspectives are valued and each individual feels seen, heard, and accepted.

Embracing the link between neurodiversity and conflict allows us to build a mediation process that resolves disputes and promotes empathy, understanding, and respect, making a lasting impact on all involved. In doing so, we move closer to a culture where diversity is accommodated and celebrated, enhancing the overall effectiveness and humanity of the mediation field.

Marie Coombes, CEO of We Restore Calm, is a conflict transformation specialist recognised for her pioneering work in neurodiversity and mental health. Recently shortlisted for the Civil Mediation Council’s Diversity & Inclusion award, Marie combines professional expertise with lived experience to create inclusive, empathetic, and transformative resolutions.

‍